Elena Bosch As I hustled and bustled my way through the holidays, I often found myself thinking, “I just can’t wait for this year to be over.”
I avoided arranging my poinsettias above the entertainment center like the plague. I stared at my unopened boxes of decorations in hopes I could unwrap each trinket with the power of telekinesis. I didn’t cross anyone off my list on Black Friday and I certainly did not have my cards postmarked by December 1st.
. . .
This time last year, I was employed full-time as a public relations specialist at a large mortgage firm. I enjoyed my job. I worked almost daily with reporters from top tier news outlets, had a solid relationship with my supervisor and was truly able to enjoy work-life balance as a mom to a growing toddler.
In early January, as I usually do, I laid out my goals for the year. My goals were big and included leading more projects independently at work, finding a mentor to up-level my career and traveling to at least two places I’ve never been. I also planned to start diversifying our household’s income streams, invest more and start saving generously across the board.
Shortly after the new year, my team learned that we would be getting a new VP to lead our department. Within 8 weeks of the change, I lost half my team and more than half of my responsibilities. I lost my office and changed desks 3 times.
While change is almost never easy, I kept an optimistic mindset. Still, no two days were the same and each day was met with a rollercoaster of demands, expectations and emotions. Everyday I felt as though I was walking on a tightrope and one step in the wrong direction would certainly lead to my demise.
At the same time, weaning my son was met with a slew of health issues. Doctor after doctor couldn’t explain the symptoms. I experienced abdominal cramps as painful as labor. My anxiety was at an all-time high. Specialists attempted to help but I was offered no relief. I tried to keep my head above water but ultimately, I decided to take some time off work to heal myself.
I was in a dark place. I was crying out for help but no one could hear me. I saw my hopes and dreams slipping away. I felt this deep anger inside me. I wanted vengeance for the people who had hurt me. I wanted these people to hurt the way I hurt. I was paralyzed by grief and betrayal.
It was from this dark, burned and charred place that I finally started to heal.
I learned how to cry. Big sobbing, can’t get off of the floor cries.
I learned how to find my voice again. And I screamed so loud the walls shook.
I learned how to love again. And I loved myself more than I ever had.
To come to this place, I had to sit in the quiet and separate what I know to be true (facts) from what I believe to be true (stories). I no longer allowed those stories that I thought were true to disempower my potential. I instead began to rewrite the story.
This mental shift had a profound effect on me.
I stood tall and I took risks on myself. I peeled away pain and I opened up. I stood with open arms to receive whatever it was the world wanted me to have. And I received. And I gave.
By September, I resigned from my full-time position leaving behind a role that no longer served me and sought to expand my freelance work in marketing and events. I found healing through a mentor who took a chance on me. I started doing work that excites me and others.
Despite the challenges the year 2017 has thrown at me, I met many of my goals and then some. I traveled to not two but three places I’ve never been – Portland, Nashville and Kauai. I diversified my income streams and independently managed my own business. While I didn’t get to save as much as I had hoped, I learned to be grateful for the fact that we had enough for me to leave behind a full-time role without going into debt or taking my son out of school.
This year was by far one of my more challenging years. Full of high highs and low lows, this year challenged my integrity, grit and confidence almost daily. This year also surprised me with unexpected opportunities and new experiences I never thought would be possible. It gave me a chance to heal from past transgressions and has provided me hope for the new year.
I spent the last week of the year resting, reveling and reflecting. I spent time enjoying all my favorite things with all my favorite people.
I saw the joy of Christmas morning through my son’s eyes.
I toured the Long Beach Aquarium.
I took my family wine tasting in Temecula.
I had not one, but two kid-free nights out.
I slept in. I went to bed early. I took a nap.
I spent all day watching movies with my kid.
I allowed myself the grace to go slow and to celebrate how far we’ve all come as a family. I planned for the year ahead with goals to help us all keep moving forward. I’ve come full circle.
May 2017 be forever remembered as the year I introduced myself to the world and 2018 be the year I grow into the woman I was always meant to be.
